how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize