Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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