You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we're so committed to being not committed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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