i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
