***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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