I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
