look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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