We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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