I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
