It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
