Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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