Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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