Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she smelled like a LAN party
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize