i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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