how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize