One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
