i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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