u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My liver just had a heart attack.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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