I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
home. puking in laundry basket.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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