My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize