you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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