i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
