Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
