My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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