You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
