so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
