I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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