plz talk dirty to me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
