i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize