Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
