Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
