hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
