did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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