i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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