so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
