She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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