I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just pee around me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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