I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
