The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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