ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
