morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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