How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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