Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
