Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
