No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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