He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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