she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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