The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
