He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
