i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
