Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
