She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
