Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
