So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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