you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
