After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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