i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
