walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
