We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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