In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
