TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
