im having a threesome with these popsicles
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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